Bitterness Burnt
by jessmerrick
Summary: Jessica Merrick wants to forgive her sister for leaving her...it's just not that simple. But when Shelby is in the hospital in critical condition, she must try to forgive her sister, and herself...
1. Hot Chocolate

Jessica Merrick groaned and slowly sat up. She had an awful stomachache. She clutched her teddy bear and lay back down, but quickly found herself getting up again. She looked at her watch – 6am, Saturday.

She got out of bed, grabbed her shoes and jacket, put them on, and crept out of the cabin and out to the main building. She needed a hot chocolate desperately. Roger was usually up at this time and took pity on her, especially during her girl thing.

She liked Roger, they were close. He was fairly cool, and laid back, and she quite often played a game of chess with him in the early hours.

As usual, she entered the dining hall to find him grading some papers. He looked up and smiled. "Jess, can't sleep?"

"Yep."

"Take a seat," he told her, patting the chair next to him. He rose and went in to the kitchen, to make her a hot chocolate. She took the chessboard from the shelf in the opposite corner, and sat down at the table. By the time she had set it up, he had returned. "Here you go. One hot chocolate."

"Thanks," She grinned. "I was hoping you'd be here. It would have been annoying to walk over here and find out the building was locked."

"You know me, early bird," he laughed. "So, shall we start?" She nodded, playing white. "Prepare to lose."

"Roger...when are you going to learn," she smiled, "you never win."

"There is a first time for everything," Roger replied, making his first move. "I've been practising against Barringer and Ciceros."

"Ciceros? I could have beaten him at chess age 6," Jess snorted.

"Drink your hot chocolate."

Jess, as usual, won. "I won't say I told you so."

"Good. Else you'll get an F on your next assignment," He warned her. "So, how are the classes going? You okay...not worried about anything? Or is it the nightmares keeping you awake?"

"Nope...not worried. It's just my stomach is all," she shrugged. "I get the bad dreams, but not so much any more. They are mostly about the horrible amount of school work piling up."

"Chill out, Jess, you're a straight A student," he told her. "And it's okay to take a break sometimes, you know, let the grades slip. Relax. Just don't go below a C."

"Did you really just say that?" She asked, amazed.

"Don't tell Peter," He winked. "How are things going with Shelby?"

"I'm still at the not talking to her point," she sighed. "I don't know...we'll get there. It's And very hard."

"I know. But you should try and talk to her. It might be hard, and painful. But you'll feel so much better to be friends again," Roger advised. "Trust me, I'm a counsellor."

"Hmm. Up for another game?" She asked. "And another hot choc?"

"Hot choc, sure. Game, I don't think I can. I have stuff to do. Sorry," he replied. "But come back tomorrow, same time. And I promise I'll play."

"Okay. Thanks," she nodded.

"Why don't you come with me to the staff room?" He suggested. "You can watch tv for half an hour. Provided I get to pick the show. I need to do some work in there."

"Sure. That would be great! Can I have coffee?" She asked, standing up.

"No."

"Can I watch ER?" She asked, with a huge smile.

"No."

"Why? Can I watch the rock and metal channel?" She asked.

"Possibly," he nodded. "I like rock. ER too much blood. Go ahead, I'll be along with your drink."

"Thanks Roj," she said, "You rock."

* * *

This is going somewhere, promise. Feedback makes me write faster!


	2. Breakfast

Roger entered the Staff Lounge to find Jessica curled up on the couch, watching music videos. He put her hot chocolate down on the coffee table and smiled. "There. Last one for today!"

"Thank you," she nodded, grabbing the remote. "Got much work to do?"

"Loads, and loads, and loads," Claypool replied, taking a seat at the table. He drank his coffee and then took some paperwork out of his tray. "Hey, you got an A, way to go," he congratulated her, after a few minutes. "And there you were last week complaining to me, 'Roger, this is soooooo hard, I'm so totally going to fail.'"

The door opened and they looked up to see a very merry Peter Scarbrow coming in. "Morning Roger...Jess..."

"Roger said I could come in here," Jess told him, quickly.

"It's fine with me, just don't tell anyone else," He shrugged, patting her head as he walked past. "Coffee..." He grinned. "So, what you watching?"

"Friends. It's on Roger's approved viewing list," she explained.

"Oh, I love Friends," he said as he sat down, drinking his coffee. He turned to her and added, "I have a crush on Lisa Kudrow."

"I have a crush on Matthew Perry," she whispered back. "And Shelby, for some reason, always liked Ross."

"Really?" Peter laughed. "Shelby had a crush?"

"Major."

"You know that I'm taking The Cliffhangers on a four day hike later, right?" He asked.

She frowned, "Yeah..."

"I just thought maybe you should talk to Shelby." Peter said, putting his drink down.

"It can wait four days." She wondered why all the counsellors recently were on her case about it recently.

"You have a hike straight after that," Roger reminded her.

"I might, okay?" Jess sighed. "Can we just watch the rest of Friends please?" Peter and Roger both smiled at each other, when she said this. She had adopted Shelby's tone.

Friends finished, and Peter looked at his watch. "Jess, it's almost breakfast time. You'd better sneak back to your dorm."

"Okay," she nodded. "Thanks Roj."

"No problem," He waved, casually. She left and Peter headed for the sink, to wash up his mug. "Good kid, isn't she?"

"Jess...yeah, she's great," Peter agreed. "She's a joy to teach."

"Several weeks ago, she came in search of some painkillers for her stomach, and she found me here. It was about 6 am, and we played a game of chess, and I made her a hot chocolate. It's a weekly thing. I don't usually bring her in here though, I just had too much work to play for too long," He explained.

"It's fine with me," Peter shrugged. "I wish she could sleep through til 8 with the others, but...she deserves some attention. She's so good I'm afraid sometimes she doesn't get enough."

"It's true, more time is spent with people like Ryan Davies and Cal McKay," Roj nodded. "Do you think she'll talk to Shelby?"

"I hope so," Peter replied, "I think she will. I know she's trying not to blame Shelby. She's trying to forgive her, but it's hard."

* * *

Jess snuck back in to the Ridgerunners dorm and slipped her shoes off. She dived back into bed and five minutes later the alarm sounded. There were various groans and exclamations, as everyone woke up.

"Jess, lazy bones, get up," Libbie Lipinski said, tossing a pillow at her friend.

She got up and had a shower, and then picked out an outfit for the day. She settled on jeans and a blue turtleneck. Then she followed her friends out to breakfast.

While she was in the line to get her food, Jess spotted Shelby and her group, The Cliffhangers, gathered around their usual table in the corner. Daisy and Ezra were sat having a very heated debate about something; Auggie was trying to convince Juliette that she did want to eat her fruit salad; and Scott and David were just eating.

She noticed Shelby wasn't sat by Scott, but by Daisy, and that she looked miserable – even more so than usual. Maybe that's why Peter had been bugging her.

"Jess..." Libbie called, "Jess! Earth to Jessica!"

"What? Oh!" Jess laughed. "Uh, I'll have fruit salad please," she told the server. She took it, poured herself a glass of orange juice and then headed to the Ridgerunners table.

The Cliffhangers began to depart, until eventually only Daisy and Shelby remained. Daisy saw Jess looking over, and gave her a smile. She told Shelby she'd see her later, and left.

Jess brought her tray over and sat down. "Hey."

Shelby looked up, surprised. "Hi."

"Are you okay?" She asked. She wasn't sure how this conversation was going to go. The last few had ended in someone storming out after both of them screamed at the top of their voices and burst in to tears.

"I'm fine," Shelby nodded. "Scott and I had a fight is all. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I have stomach cramps, but okay," she said. "So what did you guys fight about?"

"Stuff. It's complicated," The older girl shrugged. "So, you decided to stop with the silent treatment huh?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Now, I'm going," Jess replied, standing up. "Have a good hike," she said as she departed.

Shelby growled and banged her head on the table. "Ugh."

"Okay, now I feel really bad," Jess sighed and watched from the door. "Sorry Shelby, but I'm not ready yet. I can't forgive you for what you did. Wish I could."


	3. Thinking

Jess collapsed on to her bunk, grabbing her teddy bear, and clutching it hard as she cried. That was the good thing about Saturdays, her group had a weekly basketball game with the Trackers, and she was left alone.

She stared at the photo by her bed. It had been taken at Disney World when she was about nine years old, and Shelby around thirteen. Jess looked so happy, as did her mother. However Shelby looked very unhappy. "Oh Shelby. I never realised the real reason you were so sad. I was nine, I was so clueless. I still remember the day you ran away from home, I was so lost. My big sister, who had promised she'd always be there for me. You were gone, and I was alone."

She picked the photo up, and put it next to her on the bed. "I wish I could forgive you Shelby, I really do. For not being there when I needed you, for running away and letting me suffer the same fate you had. But I can't...because you did leave me. You knew what he was and you still left."

* * *

Shelby Merrick looked around again for the zillionth time, and sighed. She sat down on the bench beside Daisy.

"What's gotten you so weird?" Daisy asked, frowning. "You seem really anxious. It's kinda scary."

"It's nothing," she sighed. She had hoped Jess would show up before they had left. She wanted to try and work things out, or at least tell her how she felt. She would have gone to see Jess but she hadn't been able to get away from Jeff, who was not going on this hike but was helping them prepare. Apparently, he was the only counsellor that didn't know about the new Horizon 'let's get Jess and Shelby talking' initiative.

"Okay, whatever," Daisy shrugged. Peter and Sophie walked down the path and smiled. "This is gonna be so much fun," she added grimly.

* * *

Jessica put the photo back on the table, wiped her eyes and slipped on her sandals. She then ran out of the cabin, and down the path to the equipment shed. She hoped Shelby and her group were still there.

She arrived to find only Jeff. "Hi Jessica," he greeted her merrily. "Something wrong?"

"No. I was just going to say goodbye to Shelby is all," She forced a smile. "Need any help?"

"No thanks, I've got it," he replied. "You go and relax, you deserve a break."

"Thanks."

* * *

Sorry it's short... 


End file.
